I often joke that I try not to make the same mistake twice because there are so many other new and different mistakes I can be out there making! Same applies for to this second ride on the cancer carnival ride. Not that I ‘made mistakes’ on the first go around, but I learned more than a few lessons about my own coping mechanisms and am being purposeful about things this time.
- I’m not cancelling my life in advance. Last time my diagnosis coincided just as I’d signed up to perform in a circus show. I withdrew from the show so I could avoid flaking on my performance commitment and focus on being available for doctors appointments and surgery. In the end, my surgery date ended up happening after the performance and I regretted not being in the show. Not only did I regret missing out on the performance opportunity, but I actually could have used the mental distraction preparing for the show would have provided. This time I’m saying yes to future opportunities despite the uncertainly of my life. It feels good to have non-cancer things to look forward. Yes, I may need to cancel on some things due to treatment, but I’ve realized that people are very understanding in circumstances like this.
- Art therapy. As a circus performance artist, I’m directing some of my anxiety driven energy into creating something. So far, it is working well and I have ideas for ways I to adjust the project as my body capabilities change over the upcoming months.
- Sharing on social media. There are times when I do want to retreat and curl up within myself and just talk to my close family and friends, but other times when oversharing is a helpful way to stop thoughts from spiraling in my own head. I share when it feels useful and keep it to myself when it doesn’t. I’m also getting a lot of useful information from several breast cancer focused Facebook and Reddit groups. The benefit I’ve received learning from other people who’ve been down similar paths is huge reason why I’m so open about my own journey through this carnival ride.
- Actual therapy. I participated in a very helpful zoom based group therapy program through Gilda’s Club https://www.gildasclubtoronto.org after my previous cancer treatment. This time I’m journaling a lot and found an in-person one through WellSpring that starts at the end of September. https://wellspring.ca
As far as updates go, right now I’m in purgatory waiting on a surgery date. Had seperate consultations last week with a breast surgeon (same one that did my lumpectomy) and plastic surgeon. The plan is that they will work together so I should only have one surgery overall. Breast surgeon takes out the breast tissue/cancer and then plastic surgeon will close the incisions for a good aesthetic result.
